Warning; This is a bit of a personal post.
This is not gonna bring you joy or brighten up your day, so feel free to skip it.
But this is why I started this blog in the beginning, to write about matters that occupy my mind. Whether they´re happy or sad.
A couple of weeks ago my very good friends mother passed away. It was an accident and completely out of nowhere.
It wasn´t actually him who told me, but a close friend of mine who goes to the same uni.
When I found out, I couldn´t really believe it. Do you know the feeling when you just can´t comprehend something at all? It´s like you´re in this utterly numbness. It´s almost as if you feel nothing. The thought of "she passed away" is on your mind all the time, but you just DON´T get the meaning of it. A bit like a really hard math problem, you´re trying to decode the term but no matter how hard you try, it won´t get through to you.
Soon after finding out I skyped my mom. I talked to her about it and what I am supposed to do. I just wanted to be there for him. I just wanted to hug him, just hug him. And the knowledge that I can´t was hurting me. My mom suggested to write him a letter.
And that is what I did.
I took me almost 2 hours, just to write this damn letter. This was so so difficult.
What are you supposed to tell someone who just lost their mother? There is no sentence like 'Don´t worry' or 'It will be fine', because it won´t. It will never be fine. No matter how you turn and twist the story, the outcome is the same and it´s just NOT an happy ending.
I really struggled to find the right words. Well to be honest, I don´t think I found the right ones, since they don´t exist.
Yet, I was just trying to tell him that I care.
After all the reasons why I thought a letter might be the best option is because:
1. It will take several days to even arrive, hence he has a bit time trying to comprehend
2. He can choose whether to read it or not
3. He doesn´t have to respond me (unlike a Skype-call / face-to-face conversation etc.)
4. I wrote it with heart
After writing the letter I was calling my parents, bawling my eyes out telling them how much I love them.
Life is just crazy, you never know what happens next. With an impact of a moment your life changes completely upside down.
I spend the rest of the weekend coming up with endlessly reasons why I love my mom. I just love her so much. And knowing that your friend does exactly the same but won´t be seeing his mom ever again, is just so.. hurtful.
I was hurt, solely because he was hurt.
I always had a heart time dealing with loss. And to be honest there is no really way on how to deal with it. It´s just something you kind of have to live with.
I remember the first funeral I attended, was my great-grandmothers. I didn´t really know what was going on, to be fair I was only around 4 or 5. And I wasn´t really close to her. I just remember my grandmother crying and me trying to crack a joke to comfort her (probably failing) and that afterwards we had a lovely lunch together and everybody was smiling again.
After that I did not really have a lot experience with death, fortunately.
Until 1 year ago. 1 year ago my 3rd grandfather passed away. He was not my real grandfather, but my great-uncle and him and his wife didn´t have kids, hence we being the substitute grandchildren. He was great, an incredible lovely man, but he definitely had his own mind. That´s what I loved about him, he didn´t try to fit in, he was born to stand out.
So that was my real first situation on how to deal with death. I didn´t cope very well, I was blaming myself for not seeing him often enough when I could have and things like that. It was a tough time to be honest. I still don´t know how to include death in my life, I really don´t. There is just no sort of 'plan' for it or a recipe for it. It´s something you get thrown right into. And you have to decide whether you learn swimming or you drown.
But what I did learn is: Always make sure your loved ones know that you care for them.
If this whole thing is just confusing for you, then I´m sorry. But I just had to get my thoughts out of my mind. If you want to, leave a comment below and tell me your story. Just know that you´re not alone. There is at least one person in this world who goes through the exact same.
This is not gonna bring you joy or brighten up your day, so feel free to skip it.
But this is why I started this blog in the beginning, to write about matters that occupy my mind. Whether they´re happy or sad.
A couple of weeks ago my very good friends mother passed away. It was an accident and completely out of nowhere.
It wasn´t actually him who told me, but a close friend of mine who goes to the same uni.
When I found out, I couldn´t really believe it. Do you know the feeling when you just can´t comprehend something at all? It´s like you´re in this utterly numbness. It´s almost as if you feel nothing. The thought of "she passed away" is on your mind all the time, but you just DON´T get the meaning of it. A bit like a really hard math problem, you´re trying to decode the term but no matter how hard you try, it won´t get through to you.
Soon after finding out I skyped my mom. I talked to her about it and what I am supposed to do. I just wanted to be there for him. I just wanted to hug him, just hug him. And the knowledge that I can´t was hurting me. My mom suggested to write him a letter.
And that is what I did.
I took me almost 2 hours, just to write this damn letter. This was so so difficult.
What are you supposed to tell someone who just lost their mother? There is no sentence like 'Don´t worry' or 'It will be fine', because it won´t. It will never be fine. No matter how you turn and twist the story, the outcome is the same and it´s just NOT an happy ending.
I really struggled to find the right words. Well to be honest, I don´t think I found the right ones, since they don´t exist.
Yet, I was just trying to tell him that I care.
After all the reasons why I thought a letter might be the best option is because:
1. It will take several days to even arrive, hence he has a bit time trying to comprehend
2. He can choose whether to read it or not
3. He doesn´t have to respond me (unlike a Skype-call / face-to-face conversation etc.)
4. I wrote it with heart
After writing the letter I was calling my parents, bawling my eyes out telling them how much I love them.
Life is just crazy, you never know what happens next. With an impact of a moment your life changes completely upside down.
I spend the rest of the weekend coming up with endlessly reasons why I love my mom. I just love her so much. And knowing that your friend does exactly the same but won´t be seeing his mom ever again, is just so.. hurtful.
I was hurt, solely because he was hurt.
I always had a heart time dealing with loss. And to be honest there is no really way on how to deal with it. It´s just something you kind of have to live with.
I remember the first funeral I attended, was my great-grandmothers. I didn´t really know what was going on, to be fair I was only around 4 or 5. And I wasn´t really close to her. I just remember my grandmother crying and me trying to crack a joke to comfort her (probably failing) and that afterwards we had a lovely lunch together and everybody was smiling again.
After that I did not really have a lot experience with death, fortunately.
Until 1 year ago. 1 year ago my 3rd grandfather passed away. He was not my real grandfather, but my great-uncle and him and his wife didn´t have kids, hence we being the substitute grandchildren. He was great, an incredible lovely man, but he definitely had his own mind. That´s what I loved about him, he didn´t try to fit in, he was born to stand out.
So that was my real first situation on how to deal with death. I didn´t cope very well, I was blaming myself for not seeing him often enough when I could have and things like that. It was a tough time to be honest. I still don´t know how to include death in my life, I really don´t. There is just no sort of 'plan' for it or a recipe for it. It´s something you get thrown right into. And you have to decide whether you learn swimming or you drown.
But what I did learn is: Always make sure your loved ones know that you care for them.
If this whole thing is just confusing for you, then I´m sorry. But I just had to get my thoughts out of my mind. If you want to, leave a comment below and tell me your story. Just know that you´re not alone. There is at least one person in this world who goes through the exact same.
'If thoughts are energy, energy is matter and matter never disappears; Then a person can never truly leave you, unless you stop thinking about them.'
Keine Kommentare:
Kommentar veröffentlichen